As my journey of deepening the understanding of “my world” in my attempt to navigate “the world” in which I find myself, so my curiosity grows.

At almost 64 I am reflecting on the triggers that close me down, that abruptly cause me to freeze in mid – flight. To understand where those triggers emanate, where they were birthed and the fertile fields in which they flourish.

As I am called to speak on mental health, on anxiety and depression, on the issues of addictive behavior and self-harming, so I increasingly “own my story”. I am forced to take responsibility for owning my triggers and my responses when under pressure.

Recently, I realized that my fear of things going wrong in the technology of speaking was rooted in the past. When I felt frozen in fear, when I could not halt the trauma or make things right, or make things better..

And so I have realised that my future is increasingly rooted in healing the past.

I am learning to navigate when “freezing” paralyses me. When the voices of recrimination drown out courage, drown out the lightness of bouncing forward, drown in the demons of perfectionism.

Where fear lives. Where love is abandoned. Where dreams die.

And so I step into a more conscious intuition.

Because as the wonderful inspirational speaker and author John Sanei says in

“Who do we Become?”

“Wisdom is having memories without triggers.” Dr Joe Dispenza.

John goes on to write:

” Wisdom is making peace with the past, with myself and the antagonists that have crossed my path – and to view all these as teachers. I slowly came to realize that because of the things that had happened, I had some profound revelations. Each revelation had been a catalyst for some groundbreaking new thinking. Understanding this made me feel lighter and wiser, too. When I got to that part of dealing with my pain, I realized that I had tamed the experiences into memories with no triggers. We can be addicted to our triggers because they are familiar. What is unknown is always scarier and less comfortable than what is known, even when what is known causes you grief.”

“The other thing about situations or people or memories that spark a lot of unwelcome feelings is that those things are actually a useful part of focus. Focus is the engine of consciousness. Training your focus on what repeatedly makes you blow a gasket means getting to the root of an important lesson your unconsciousness is trying to teach you.

You will only find the wider truth when you allow yourself to feel your feelings. And think about them in quiet. I figure now that if I haven’t forgiven someone (or something) from my past; it means I am more connected to the identity I currently cling to than the identity I could have.”

Excerpt from “Who do we become” By John Sanei

That is what Michael Singer in “The Untethered Soul” calls “clinging”.

And so I step into curiosity about my clinging fear of technology. Of how it robs me of courage and freezes me in flight.

And so I navigate forward in greater consciousness. In love and understanding rather than in frozen fear. To seek to embrace wisdom, to move beyond the triggers. To embrace unlearning and re-learning. To live in courage.