I said to my beautiful and soulful husband, Friedel
I want to be at the dam for Mother’s Day

It is my sacred space
Where I write
Where I craft speeches
Where I speak to the sunset
Where I soak in nature
Where I have conversations with God
Where I sink into gratitude
For finally being whole
Because
I was not always a kind and present mother
I was stressed and anxious
So often fearful
So often absorbed with what other people thought
So often dealing with difficult clients
So often not relishing every moment
With my precious children
I was the disciplinarian
I battled eating disorders
Constant yo-yo dieting
I avoided mirrors
I avoided cooking
And sometimes I avoided people
Depression was the cloak I wore
Anxiety its constant sister
Food was the enemy
Life was a rollercoaster of emotions
Until I changed my life at 52
And walked a journey to health
A journey of being active athletic alive
A journey of food becoming
A language of love
A journey of learning to love myself
So that I could love others
At 60 I began a deeper journey of speaking
Of writing
And I started to live in love
To live in courage
To live in presence
To walk in faith
And so I became whole
It was not overnight
It was a journey
It was my long walk to freedom
And so last night I sat at the edge of the dam
In the glow of gold
And I watched a family with ducklings
Glide across the amber water
And I finally felt whole
As a mother
As a wife
As a woman on a journey of becoming
More loving
More kind
More present
And I realised that mothering
can take different forms
And so I became a mother to many
That is how I healed
That is how I became
Mamma Gold