Very often we reject ourselves before we are rejected.
When offered the opportunity of position, we already talk ourselves into our unworthiness.
Numerous studies have shown that women are far more likely to suffer imposter syndrome than men.
That’s a curious phenomenon.
Recently a speaker friend of mine was sharing how her recent speech had been a crushing defeat.
How she had let the organizers down, how she had been expected to speak for an hour, but she had “frozen and dried up” (in her words) after 30 minutes.
And all I saw was great courage and great learning. I explored with her some pointers that would allow her to be even more brilliant next time. I could see something shift in her body, her shoulders lifted, and she sat up.
Suddenly she was ignited with new possibilities. Her apparent “Failing” had become a great learning.
The same thing regularly happens to me.
You see it’s easy to stay on the sidelines, it’s easy to be invisible.
That way, we remain observers in the arena of life.
That way, we avoid criticism.
We avoid feedback.
And sometimes we avoid other people.
All too often, we reject ourselves before we feel rejection. Or we reject ourselves in the brutal post- mortem of an event on experience.
I have framed rejection as “merely feedback” or data.
The approach I use to filter feedback into constructive learning based on. ADDLA – a model I developed because I used to battle severely with ANY criticism..
It used to bury and paralyze me.
Now feedback fuels and compassed my journey.
A standing for ABSORB
Let the information settle into your body. Don’t react or respond. Let the information percolate in your body.
D stands for DIGEST
We are cellular intelligence.
Let the information (it is just that information/data) digest until it settles in your stomach – the gut intelligence of INTUITION.
D stands for DISCERNMENT
Try on the data, see if it fits, is there some truth in this?
Why did the person feel the need to share this or why am I doing such a brutal post- mortem. Shift into being vulnerable. Feel compassion for the messenger, that is critical to receiving feedback. It is Key.
Being open to growth is the wisdom of discernment. It lives not in your head but in your cellular intuition.
In your whole body.
L stands for LEARNING
What can I learn for the next time? With gentle re-framing, how can I shift this from a judgement/ opinion into simple data for growth.
A stands for ACT
How can I act differently next time?
How can I articulate, communicate, and move forward in trust to the next version of “me”.
Knowledge is just that – Knowledge.
But applied knowledge becomes WISDOM.
The courage to claim your story is the antidote to rejection.
Closing the Identity gap between how the world views you and how you view yourself, is the key to living in alignment, purpose, flow, and authenticity.
The more confident I become in my skin; the more confident others felt about me.
The more confident I got about my strange cocktail of “me”, the more I would be able to “do me”, the less I compared myself with others.
Having a strong identity, a strong sense of self is the antidote to rejection.
Because the truth is only YOU can reject YOU.
No one else can reject you.
So, find the people that build you, find the tribes that grow you. The people that believe in you before you believe in yourself.
Find the faith you indeed came here for a reason.
Then you will never feel rejected.
Because you will have found your belonging.
You always did
You just forgot how much you matter.
You came here to make a difference.
Find that WHY and you will never reject yourself again.